Kids…. They are our pride and joy… the apples of our eyes… those dirty, stinky, noisy monsters that keep messing up our clean houses!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my dirty, stinky, noisy monsters, but, seriously, how many times do they have to make the same messes and hear me give the same lectures before they get it???
I have decided that in addition to constantly nagging them (because, let’s face it, I’m not going to stop nagging them), I am also keeping a list of their annoying, messy habits, so that, when they move out, I can visit their homes and provide the appropriate payback.
Here’s what I have so far…
Open the bread bag. Make a sandwich. Leave the dirty knife stuck to the counter. Place open bread bag back on the fridge. Drop and lose twist tie to close said bread bag, so that bread will go stale.
Get out Oreos. Pour a glass of milk. Take everything to the living room. Dunk and eat Oreos over clean floor, leaving behind crumbs and a half glass of milk balancing on the edge of the coffee table.
Go outside. Leave door wide open, yet slam shut screen door. Every three and a half minutes, come in and go out, slamming the door every time.
Go downstairs to get something (I don’t know what yet. I’ll wing it.) Turn on every light switch I can find, even ones not in the area I’m going, them come back upstairs, leaving all the lights on. I might even add in turning on a TV for good measure.
Take a bath using WAY more soap than I need and filling the now half empty bottle back up with water to make it look like I didn’t use that much. Step out of tub and soak bath mat. Walk down the hallway with a towel around me, but not having really dried off, so as to leave a slippery trail behind me. Leave dirty clothes, a tub full of water, and a “surprise” in the toilet for them to find later. Get dressed and drop my wet towel on the carpet.
It’s going to be so much fun!