This boy’s delusional

I’m convinced, somedays, that my husband lives in an alternate universe from the rest of the inhabitants of the planet.  Today is one of those days.

This morning I hop into the shower just as my delusional hubby is lathering up.

“Be careful,” daydreaming man warns me, “I’m dangerous to be around now.”

The strange look on my face prompts him to show me this.

IMG_7942

“Um. Ok,” I say.

Skip forward about an hour as fantasy-land man is heading out the door…  “I guess this is goodbye.  I’m heading out to my meeting and when the chics there get a whiff of me, it’ll all be over.  They’ll devour me.”

“We’ve had a good run.  I’ll miss you.”  (Insert image of me rolling my eyes and shaking my head.)

I sure hope he returns.  I might be too embarrassed to fill out that missing person’s report.

‘Well officer, he used to Axe body wash and then I let him leave for a meeting….’

 

What they don’t tell you

As I walked around the corner into the kitchen this morning, my eyes were assaulted by the sight of IP sipping his coffee while picking lint out of his belly button.  

(I apologize for the lack of picture, but I assumed NO ONE else wanted to see that.  You’re welcome.)

Me – “Oh the joys of marriage.  Why wasn’t this discussed in anywhere in the marriage manual?”

IP – “Hey Babe.  Just think how lucky you are to have all of this.  There’s a line of women out there dying to have all this that you get to enjoy everyday.”

Me – “Lucky me…..”

 

 

 

If they made it, I would buy it!

As I’m doing a quick pick up and turning off the lights in the Rec Room, my eyes scan across the couch and spot a pile of puke. 

Awesomesauce!  This is exactly how I want to start a Monday.  I hope it’s not an omen for the week to come. 

I grab and cleaner, a towel and begin the removal process. 

My husband walks in the room and asks,

“What happened?”

“Someone puked on the couch, so I’m cleaning it up.”

“Well it wasn’t me!”

“I hope not, because I used pet cleaner instead of husband cleaner.”

I have yet to find this in any box store or mom ‘n pop shop, but if you see any, let me know!