Be careful what you wish for

“I wish he’d put the seat down.”

“I washed the clothes.  The least he could do it fold them.”

“Would it kill him to wash a dish every now and again?”

Ask any woman and she will tell you that she would love to have her man help out more around the house.

Well I have a confession to make.  As much as I like to make IP the butt of my jokes, he does help out around the house as much as he can.  Unfortunately, it’s not always as much as I’d like it to be, but, hey, I’ll take what I can get.

Ever since the beginning of our wedded bliss, IP has been the duster of the family.  He was born with a dominant ‘love of dusting’ gene.  Which is good, because I carry a ‘I could care less how much dust is on the end table’ gene.  My vice is vacuuming.

In equal symmetry, IP prefers to cook dinner, especially Sunday dinner, if his schedule allows.  This trait meshes perfectly with me since I loathe cooking.  Maybe, if I was good at it or could dream up inventive meals, I might care more, but I don’t.  Strangely enough, as much as I hate cooking, I equally enjoy doing the dishes.  (I know.  I know.  There is something wrong with me.  Heck, we remodeled our kitchen and I didn’t even put in a dishwasher.  I still scrub everything by hand.  Add it to my list of issues.)

Anyhoo….

Well, yesterday I came around the corner and found this sight to behold in my kitchen.

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Marinara anyone?  Who wants a meatball?

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Such a charmer

He’s at it again ladies and gentlemen.  These are the first words my lovely betrothed said to me this morning.

“Wow!  You look like 60!   Could you shower and put some make-up on.  I mean.  You’re supposed to look hot.  That’s what I said yes to at the altar.”

Does anyone remember where I put my shovel?  I’m suddenly feeling the need to do some gardening…..

Brusha, brusha, brusha

An occupational hazard of being a video guy is that IP is occasionally hired to produce productions outside the boundaries of our hometown.  As I type, he is stuck in sunny Florida, while I’m single parenting it for the week.  Not only am I the only taxi on duty, but we are adjusting to being back in school and work, plus we are in the final stages of some bedroom remodeling.  (Because why wouldn’t one start bedroom remodeling in August, when we are preparing to go back to school.  Sure, I’ve got tons of sanity to spare.)

IP and I dropped the mini-mes off at school on Wednesday and he jetted out-of-town.

I woke up on Thursday morning and was barreling through the morning routine solo when I was stopped dead in my tracks….. my toothbrush was MIA.  Now, I a firm believer in the whole ‘Toy Story‘ phenomenon.  I know that when I leave a room, my kid’s toys get up and boogie on down.  But I don’t believe those characteristics apply to my hygiene products.  At least I hope they don’t….

A quick scan of the counter and I realize not only is my toothbrush missing, but IP’s is still very present.

Great, he took my toothbrush to the beach and left me at home.

So I handled the situation the best way I knew how.

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Not liking being the fodder for my jokes, IP fought fire with fire.

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Damn, I think he wins!

 

Packing Master?

To know me, is to know that I am a crazily, obsessive planner.  I make daily To-Do lists.  I talk to myself about what I need to get accomplished.  I double check after I’ve done things to make sure I really have them in the order I want them done it.  I drive myself nutty.  I stress and worry and, then stress some more.  IP does not.  He has more of a grab and go persona, not seeing the point in wasting time stressing out or worrying.  In his mind’s eye, it will be what it is.  Being laid back has it’s advantages sometimes, but not always…..

Peter once went to Baltimore

He packed as he ran out the door

Day two came around

No new shirts to be found

Stinky traveler in the same shirt on day four

Summer means vacation.  Being the Type A I am, I began my pre-pre-planning by making lists of the things we would need to pack for an upcoming trip.  IP takes a quick peek at my list and begins to mock me.

“You actually put ‘clothes’ on your list.  Do you really think that was necessary?”

“This from the man who flew to Baltimore without any shirts.”

(Insert image of IP sticking his tongue out at me.)

FYI ~ If this whole blogging/parenting/social working/household managing/trip planning thing doesn’t work out for me, I think I have a future in limerick writing.

 

For better, for worse

For better, for worse…

For richer, for poorer…

In sickness and in health…

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I got all that jazz and I’m cool with it.  I wouldn’t give up IP for anything or anyone.  Well, maybe Donnie Wahlberg.  No.  Yes.  No….. I’ll get back to you on that one.

Anyway, I’ve come to realize, after 15 years of marriage, there needs to be an additional section in the vows where your beloved has to lay all their cards on the table, all those annoying habits and weird nuances, giving us all a little pre-warning upfront of the future we face.

Now I could talk about farting, clothes on the floor, and the likes, but those are the obvious issues one faces with a husband.  I mean these.

1.  Your future husband does not share your obsession to detail.

IP doesn’t usually carry cash.  He’ll use the debit card if he’s out and needs to buy gas, pick up lunch, etc.  He tries to remember to tell me when he’s done this, so I can write it in the checkbook.  This is our typical conversation.

“I bought gas today.”

“How much was it?”

“57.87 or 57.07.  I don’t know.  57 something.”

I’m one of those ‘balance the checkbook to the exact penny’ people.  57 something doesn’t go in evenly into my calculator.  I’m also not ok if you say 57.87 and it really turns out to be 57.07.  So, I end up digging through this.

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Silver lining….at least he keeps them.  Plus, while I’m trying to figure out the something missing from the 57, I usually find the lunch receipt he forgot to tell me about too.

2.   Your beloved is a tree-hugger….sort of.

Everyone goes green in their own way.  I’m all about recycling and saving the environment.  I have an extra weekly recycling bin and try to recycle everything that I can.  But I do have limits.  IP is convinced that you cannot throw batteries away when they die; that they will hurt the landfill.  When batteries die in our house, they go here.

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What, you say?  You don’t have years worth of batteries lying around in your basement?  What kind of person are you???

He claims there are places that recycle them.  I do not know of such places.  So, I have this collection.  I wonder if there are any boards on Pinterest for ‘Fun Things to do with dead batteries’?

3.  Your betrothed adheres to a strict “waste not, want not” philosophy on everything….well except one thing.

IP will wear the same shoes for years.  He’ll scrap the bottom of jars to get out every last bit.  He’ll drink the last…um wait, scratch that.  IP’s taste buds believe that, despite when it was originally opened, the last few fingers of a 2 liter bottle of pop are flat, fizz-less, tasteless, potentially deadly, and, therefore, unconsumable.  I frequently come home from work and find this scenario in my fridge.

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Somehow, I have managed not to die my drinking the last of all of these 2 liters.  It’s a miracle!

For better, for worse

For richer, for poorer,

In sickness and in health

In lost receipts and missing digits,

Knee-deep in dead batteries,

In flat, fizz-less soda,

Til death do us part

(Anyone see Donnie Wahlberg yet? No?)

Ok…

I Do.

 

The other S word

“No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks…”

Schools out for…Spring Break!  (Hey I get called plenty of S words a day.  It’s about time I gave one back!)

That’s right ladies and gentlemen.  It’s that other break that is music to the ears of those in education, Spring Break, coming second only to those other magical words…Summer Vacation.  (But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  We still have 9 weeks to go!)

Spring Break always awakens in me all those feelings of renewal and rebirth.  It’s a time for me to throw back the curtains, dump out those drawers and reorganize my chaos for a fresh new season.

I was so excited for spring break this year that I could hardly contain myself.

Weeks ago, I started making a list of all the things I would get accomplished.  Closets cleaned, drawers straightened, flowerbeds and yard raked, paperwork filed, holiday preparation done, photos in the photo albums, scrapbooks up to date, books read….oh all the books I was going to get read.

Then I looked at the calendar realized the joy of all joys….

MY BREAK IS THE SAME TIME AT MARCH MADNESS!    I know I have mentioned time or two that I am a slight insanely, ridiculously obsessed sports fan.  March Madness is such a great time of year that even the novice of fans fills in a bracket and sneaks a little game watching when the boss isn’t looking.  Usually I’m stuck at work, so I’m connected to my computer those first two days of the tourney, hoping to catch a glimpse of an upset or that must-see buzzer beater.  Now, thanks to the school calendar scheduling gods, I will be home in my sweats, kicking back on my couch, getting to see every glorious second!  (Can you tell I’m excited?)

Well the final bell ran on Friday and I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough.  Sayonara school halls….see you in 10…maybe.

It’s like all that crazy, pent-up energy from the first three quarters of the school put me in hyper drive and I hit my to-do list with a speed and swiftness I didn’t know I had.

Day one – closets cleaned, drawers straightened, donation pile made, rooms all spic and span.

Day two – Garage cleaned and organized, Christmas lights down (yes, finally), yard picked up, garden raked and ready, business paperwork caught up.

Day three – Photos in photo albums (Yes, I still print all my pictures and make photo albums.  Nothing digital will ever be the same as flipping through an actual photo album!), scrapbooks current (Yes, I make the kids scrapbook pages from each school year.  They’re not as pretty as some other’s make, but my kids love them and I love reliving the year as I do them.), shopped for upcoming birthdays and holidays, finished book #1.

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Day four – Car to the shop for a quick fix, more business paper work, decorated for the Easter, start book #2….

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You know what happens when you are super, duper organized?  You get everything done before noon on Tuesday of your Spring Break and you end up sitting on your couch, looking at your March Madness bracket, trying to decide which upsets to go with, and painfully watching the clock tick down the seconds until game time.

I hate to even type the words but……. I’m so bored.

Poor IP has taken the brunt of my boredom today.  I keep walking into his office and staring at him, then offering up ridiculous suggestions of ways for him to play hooky with me.  Take me to lunch… go to a movie…  nap on the couch….  all code for – entertain your wife who’s going bat shit crazy with too much free time on her hands.

Despite all my talk about longing to have hours to sit and do nothing, when I actually have time to sit and do nothing, I realize that I actually like to be busy.  I think my internal clock craves lists and schedules and chaos.  If I don’t have eight things to do and am not being pulled in four different directions, I don’t know what to do with myself.

‘The quiet scares me ’cause it speaks the truth.’ – P!nk

(Sorry to get all reflective on her here, but hey, it’s my blog, I can type what I want!)  That’s one of my favorite song lyrics.  Maybe this is a chance to develop a new side of Kerry.  Work on slowing my mind and enjoying the calm.  Focus on just being present and enjoying the minute that is in front of me without have to plan, schedule, and do.

Or…..

Maybe I can clean underneath the couches and behind the washer and dryer.  Then I could sew clothing for my dog and organize the attic.  Hey, I’m all for self-reflection, but I just realized being inside my head is scary place to be….

Technology to the rescue

The Infamous Peter is very good at remembering holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions.  What he is not good at is planning for them ahead of time.

IP owns and runs his own business of which he is the sole employee.  When all the work begins and ends with you, you are on the clock 24-7, ever minute of nearly everyday is spent attached to a client or a project.  I know, I know, it’s going to be hard for you to believe, but I have been known to pout at times due to the lack of attention I receive compared to his keyboard, but I couldn’t be more proud or supportive of my successful hubby.

He’s never lacking in love, caring, and thoughtfulness….what he’s missing is time.

During his 90+ hour work week, IP regularly forgets to eat, so planning ahead to shop for a special occasion never makes it into the iCalendar.  Now, remember I said that he never misses an occasion, so he’s usually ‘that guy’ rummaging through the picked over shelves the day of a holiday, grumbling over not finding what he is looking for, settling for something he is less than thrilled with, all the while trying to come up with a convincing story as to why check-out lane candy and a set of bath towels is the epitome of an excellent present.  (No really, that was a mother’s day gift one year.  He sold me on the idea it was a ‘spa package’ present.)

On Valentine’s Day last year, he tried to do something different.  He dropped into a business the morning of V-Day to order an edible arrangement.  Surprise, surprise, he was too late to get an order in for that day.  Hello rock, meet hard place.  He put the order in anyway, for a delayed sweet treat (good man), and then went the tradition route.  In between meetings, he ran to a floral shop and picked up a quick bouquet, dropping it off himself on the way to a shoot.  Valentine’s Day saved.

~Sidebar~  Men, please be careful when choosing your floral arrangements.  A co-worker received these at work today.  I wonder what he REALLY wants for Valentine’s day…..

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Anyhoo…..

This year, technology and the modern world collided to create a fantastic Valentine’s Day for me and score major bonus points for IP.

When IP’s alarm goes off in the morning, he turns on Mike and Mike in the morning, transitioning from peaceful slumber to crazy work day with the soothing sounds of a little sports talk in the AM.  Apparently, on Monday morning, Mike and Mike set out to rescue their viewers from a potential Valentine’s Day dog house by offering an on-air special.  By ordering through a specific website and using a designated promo code, a husband could get free, expedited, guaranteed by Valentine’s Day delivery on an order.  IP, being the smart man that he is, jumped on that offer and let Valentine’s Day come to him this year…and saved money in the process.

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IP wins major props today.  If anyone needs me, I will be in a chocolate strawberry wine coma.  I will see you all tomorrow….maybe.