Not to be left out

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating, I’m a Packers Fan.  Just looking at those words, they don’t seem like…enough.

I’m a gigantic, fanatic, don’t you dare call me during a game because I’m not going to talk to you on the freaking phone because THE GAME IS ON, fan!  I have a game day routine.  I have game day food.  I have game day attire that may or may not include game day underwear.  I have a problem and I’m proud of it.

Me on my birthday.  (It’s in September, so I’m always rewarding by aging with new gear for the season!  Thank you everyone for feeding my obsession!)

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Me at a baseball game.  (Yes, that is the game I am listening too.  Hey, at least I came to the game instead of staying home!)

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My Halloween Pumpkin

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My M&Ms

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Our Christmas card photo.  (We crushed both the Bills and the Cowboys on our way to a Superbowl Victory that year!)

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Me in my Kerry Cave  (Where you’ll find me on game day, but, remember, you’re not allowed to talk to me.)

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You get the idea.

So, it came as no surprise to me when my beautiful, kind, caring, sensitive, and smart daughter decided to draw this for me on our driveway.

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Awww….. My three loves…. The Pack, Aaron and Clay.

Not wanting to be left out , my son, who for some reason decided he was a Cowboys fan, (Despite this, I allowed him to remain my child anyway), added his own two cents.

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Anyhoo…..

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Go Pack Go!

 

 

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I got nothing.

You know those times when you engage in a conversation and, as it spirals out of control, you wish you had a board to smash against your head or a needle to poke in your eye, because self-mutilation would be a better decision than continuing this back and forth exchange.  Please grab a seat and enjoy my misery…..

Person – “Hey!  The Packers lost yesterday!  Ha!”

(Sidebar – I am a huge Green Bay Packers Fan..HUGE.  I have game day routines and gear.  I don’t take calls during games and was a raging bitch on wheels the second half as their imminent loss in the playoffs became apparent.  I engaged in a ranting, profanity-laced session and had one Facebook casualty in the process.  It was necessary…He’s a Bears Fan.)

Me – “It was Saturday.  And yes, I’m aware.”

Person – “Beat by my 49ers.”

Me – “Your 49ers?  You don’t even like them.  My favorite type of fan is one who comes out of the wood-work AFTER a win.”

Person – “I do like them.  I like lots of teams.  The Chargers.  The Yankees.  The Red Sox.”

Me – “Um.  1.  Those are different sports.  And 2. You can’t like the Yankees AND the Red Sox.  They’re rivals.”

Person – “Yes I can.  I’m between them.  I also like the Heat.”

Me – “Different sport…again.”

Person – “I’m really mad that they haven’t said who’s in the Super Bowl yet.”

Me – “That’s because the playoffs are still going on.”

Person – “I hope the Giants don’t make it.  I hate them.”

Me – “Well, they won’t because they didn’t make it into the playoffs.”

Person – “Or the Broncos.  They suck.”

Me – “Well they actually did make it into the playoffs, but they lost this last weekend.”

Person – “That’s because Eli sucks.”

Me – “Um, Eli doesn’t play for the Broncos, that’s Payton.”

Person – “Well, Tim Tebow never got them to the playoffs.”

Me – “Actually he did, last year, won a play-off game for them in overtime.”

Person – “No he didn’t”

Me – (Blank Stare) “I got nothing.”

Now where the hell did I put that board?????

 

Reality Bites

Before you read anything further, if you were expecting a blog about the movie awesomeness that was the 1994 flick staring a pre-felony Winona Ryder and a pre-Uma Ethan Hawke, than you are going to be disappointed.  Although, I reserve the right to write that blog in the future as I LOVE that movie.

No today I am dedicating this blog to the sad reality of what my Sunday looked like, contrast to the Sunday that I had planned.

Awww Sunday… I had visions of what my Sunday would look like.  A leisurely breakfast, lingering over numerous cups of coffee while browsing the paper.  Settling in on the couch for stolen nap time, turned Packers Football time at kick off.  After celebrating the victory with a yummy roast.  After which, I’d crack open a bottle of wine and my new Jodi Picoult book while lounging bubble bath, hopelessly trying to extend the weekend and ignore the forthcoming work week.

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As the saying goes…If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

I did start off my Sunday with coffee and crochet before the troops awoke from their slumber.  (Kerry – 1, Reality – 0)

After breakfast (point), as I was cracking open the paper, my darling boy reminded me that I had yet to buy him his basketball shoes and he had tip-off later this afternoon.  Good-bye paper, hello store.  (Kerry – 2, Reality – 1)

BASKETBALL SHOES ARE WAY TOO EXPENSIVE!  I would like to take this opportunity to remind the shoe makers of the world that kid’s shoes require less material to make than adult shoes, and should, therefore, based on my own mathematical equation, cost less.  Plus, we all know he will probably out grow them before the season ends and I’ll be back buying more, so you’ll end up getting more money out of my before the season ends anyway!  (Kerry – 2, Reality – 2)

As I’m finally leaving the sports store, I realized I’m missing two ingredients for my yummy roast, so off to the grocery store I went.  There went my scheduled nap time.  (Kerry – 2, Reality – 3)

Upon returning from the store, I re-evaluated my schedule, getting a clearer picture of what would and wouldn’t be happening, and decided that I would steal myself a bubble bath right then.  I skipped the wine and crammed in the first two chapters of my book.  Take that Reality!  (Kerry – 4, Reality – 4)

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My Packers game, the game against our divisional, border rivals that I wanted to scream at from start to finish, began at 12.  My son had baseball practice from 1 – 3 and a basketball game at 3.  My daughter had a basketball game with one league at 3 and another basketball game with another league at another location at 3:30.  Although I don’t fully understand Physics, I did know that it was impossible to make all of these events at the same time.  I watched my Green Bay Packers score their first 10 points before I rushed out of the house to begin my taxi services.  (Kerry – 4 1/4, Reality – 4 3/4)

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Dropped Trystan off at baseball.  Picked Trystan up from baseball early and rushed him to basketball.  Dropped Trystan off at basketball and rushed to Paige’s basketball game.  (Kerry – 4 1/4, Reality – 7 3/4)

Packers Won!  (Plus I got to see the end of the game from the TV at the Rec Center were Paige’s game was being played, so I’m giving myself 1/4 of a point back!)  (Kerry – 5 1/2, Reality – 7 1/2)

Paige won her game and played great!  (Kerry – 6 1/2, Reality – 7 1/2)

Paige’s game ended in enough time to rush, literally, to Trystan’s game and see the end of the 4th Period.  He lost, but mom got to see her baby on the court!  (Kerry – 7 1/2, Reality – 7 1/2)

Finally, home for that yummy roast, glass of wine, and a relaxing, non-rushed Sunday dinner with the fam.  (Kerry – 9 1/2, Reality – 7 1/2)

As I cleaned up the dinner dishes, catching my breath and running back through my day in my mine, I realize I actually won in every category.  Life may be crazy, chaotic, busy, stressful, and leave me wanting to pull out my hair, but I’m here to live it.  I’m on this side of the dirt.  I have an incredible husband, two awesome kids, a supportive family, a circle a friends, a warm home, food on my table, and a love all around me.  I win…..always.  (Kerry – Infinity)

On the right side of the dirt

I love my birthday.  I think it’s the best day in the world.  Better than Christmas.  Better than Easter.  Better than the first day of the football season…and that’s saying a lot.

I turned 37 yesterday.  It’s all good.  I really don’t have an issue with aging…yet.  I do have an issue with still getting zits in my late 30s and when I figure out what department I can file that complaint with, I will, in triplicate.

Presents are the best part of birthdays.  One might say cake, but they’d be wrong.  You can get cake any day you want.  You can’t always make people buy you something.  I’m a lucky girl.  I have a group of people who really know me, really pay attention, and buy presents that really hit the mark.

We have four award winners this year.

My husband gets the award for listening.  He usually has my daughter ask me what I want, but then sometimes goes rouge from the list.  This year, he stayed on track.  I wanted a white Green Bay Packers hat.

Well done honey, well done.

The most awesome goes to my mom, well my parents, but we all know that mom does the shopping! 😉  My parents have gone to giving cash, so you can go shopping for yourself, but my mom has to have something for you to open or it wouldn’t be your birthday.  I don’t know how, but she always finds something incredible that you didn’t know existed.  Behold the newest member of my game day family…

Frozen tundra piggy!  It’s he awesome!!

My brother and sister-in-law get the award for paying attention and hitting the mark.  It has been a rough start to the school year and the edited version is this.  So far I’ve chased students, called the cops, been drooled on, creeped out, had my hair petted, and been kicked and punched.  Is it May yet??  This is what my loving bro and sis got me.

PERFECT!  Peanut M&Ms because I’ve literally put out daily stress calls for them.  Clorox wipes for the next time a student pets my hair and braids it into hers.  (Yes that happened.  Yes it totally grossed me out.)  Pumpkin coffee for that needed caffeine kick. Therapeutic bath salts for either aches and pains if I get kicked again or stress and tension relief if it’s one of those days.  And the piece de resistance, the thermal coffee mug that will keep hot things hot for 5 hours and cold things cold for 9 hours.  Whoever invented this is a genius!

But the ultimate “reality check” winner goes to my son.  He make this homemade card.

I like that he promised to walk the dog.  I’m bringing this out daily to remind him.  I am a little concerned that only him, I and the dog are in the card….

But the reason he wins is for the packaging.

Congrats to me!  I’m not in the obits this year!

A gentle reminder that I’m still on this side of the dirt and that it could always be worse.

Just one of the boys

 

My husband is a very lucky man.  Most men have to beg their wives to be able to give up days watching sports and barter to get ESPN turned on, but not my husband.  I love sports, all sports.  I willing watch ESPN, on my own, with no one forcing my.  Name a sport, I’ll probably watch it.  Baseball, yes.  Basketball, yes.  Hockey, yes.  Golf, yes.  Car racing, well, no.  Hey even I have a line.  Football, duh..of course!

Reason number two he’s so lucky, about a year and a half ago, we decided to remodel our basement.  Behold….The Kerry Cave.

No, this is not a man cave, this is a Kerry Cave, because this was my creation, my dream football watching experience.

Football, oh glorious football.  Oh how I love thee.  If it is fall and it’s a Saturday or Sunday, I will be holed up in my Kerry Cave watching the Nebraska Cornhuskers (GOOO BIIIIIG REEEED!) or my Green Bay Packers (GO PACK GO!) and any and every other game I can find.  If there’s a game on, I’m watch it.

Last season, when my beloved Nebraska Cornhuskers moved to the Big 10, I ordered digital cable the week before the season started, since a number of the games were going to air on the Big 10 network, which wasn’t offered on standard cable.  I then ordered the sports package add-on, so I could get the NFL Network and purchased the Red Zone too.  (In for a penny, in for a pound.)

 

Due to my addition to football (admitting it is the first step), I inherited my husband’s fantasy football team.  He joined a league with a bunch of his college and work buddies close to fifteen years ago and was thrilled to be relieved of it.  He enjoys football, but the hassle of maintaining the league just wasn’t his thing.  He frequently skipped the draft and ended up with a crappy, computer picked team.  Then he would forget to set his roster and, without fail, play guys who were injured or on bye weeks.  I think he did a happy dance when he handed over the reins.

On draft night was last Saturday and I realized something, it’s a really a dirty minded little boy’s league, complete with raunchy names and all.

The name of the league is SOFA KING.  Get it???  Some of the team names are Tongue Bathing Katy Perry and Balls Deep.  Wanting to fit in, I renamed my team.  So what do you think???

Go Pink Taco Go!  Has a nice umm, well, interesting ring to it!

 

Speedy???

As I was driving to meet friends the other night, I looked at my clock and realized that I was a few minutes early.

I knew that I was going to have to run by the store later that day for printer ink  (How are we out of printer ink AGAIN?!?!?  It feels like I buy printer ink every week!) and a fantasy football magazine.  (Yes, I have a fantasy football league.  I LOVE football.  I LOVE all sports.  I watch ESPN by choice.  I might be a dude.)

Just my luck, Wal-Mart was in the same shopping complex as where I was going.  SCORE!  I’m thought ‘I’m going to get in, get my items, and I’ll still beat her to the restaurant!’

I parked and ran in.

I found the ink right away.  (Side bar…what is the difference between standard capacity and moderate capacity?  Even the guy there didn’t know.)  Just pick one.  You know you’ll be back next week when the printer again refuses to print claiming to be out of ink.

Next, is the magazine.  Liddy’s Sports Fantasy Football 2012…looks as good as any, plus, it has Aaron Rodgers on the cover, so that’s a no brainer.  (For you non football folks, he’s the quarterback of my Green Bay Packers!  Kick off in two weeks!)

Oh Chex Mix!  It wasn’t on the list, but Bold and Spicy is Yummy and Tasty, so in my arms it goes.

Now it’s time to blow this popsicle stand, and I’m still ahead of schedule!

Speedy checkout, here I come.

And here I screech to a grinding halt.

There is exactly one of four speedy checkouts actually open and a line is eight deep.

I quickly scan the rest of the checkouts.  Only two other ones are open, and they also have long lines plus over flowing carts.

I take my place in the back.

Maybe she really is speedy….

Nope.  Time drags on.  My friend starts texting me.  ‘Are you here?’

Um, no, not even close.

Do they purposely put the slowest cashiers in the speedy lane to teach us a lesson?  They should add that scrunched up ‘Plan Ahead’ sign and pump laugh tracks through the sound system.

Finally, I put my head down, defeated.

Wal-Mart – 1

Inky, Chexy, Football Chic – 0