Hehehehehe

I may be 3(*cough*) years old, but there are certain things that make me giggle like a little kid no matter how old I get.

Balls – Funny, especially in a sentences.  “Who put these balls here?”  Smiles and giggles.

Uranus – Best used in a ridiculous statement of fact.  “Did you know there are black rings around Uranus?” Always induces a wide grin and a loud chuckle.

Duty – Hilariously, over-the-top funny.  It doesn’t even have to be said in a certain context to get to me.  Duty is ALWAYS funny.  I’m not an LOL gal.  In fact, I despise all text lingo.  But the mere uttering of the word duty will literally cause me to stop whatever I’m doing in laugh out (well you get the idea).  I’m considering starting a petition to eliminate usage of SUPER DUTY on the back of vehicles.  That’s just an accident waiting to happen.

Today I opened my kitchen cabinet and found this staring back at me.

photo copy 7

My burst of laughter was so loud that Mini Me came a runnin’, trying to figure out what was so funny.

I know, I know.  It’s juvenile and petty and childish and ridiculous, but so what.  The older I get, the more I realize that, at some point while growing up, people mistook adulthood with either the need to become stuffy, stodgy, and predictable, or uptight, snotty, and bitchy.  I reject all these assumptions.  I’m going to age under my own terms, with laughter and silliness crammed in whenever I can.

 

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OMJ???

As I’ve mentioned before, I loathe text lingo.  My pre-teen-nearly teen-don’t remind me how old she’s getting daughter is rambling on about something of major importance in the seventh grade world.  I’m half listening, half making my mental list of evening activities when I hear her  saying, “OMJ!  OMJ!”

“OMJ?  Paige, it’s OMG,” I say as I shake off that disgusting slimy feeling from actually having to have vocalized OMG.

“No mom, I meant OMJ.  It’s better than OMG!

Not wanting to miss out on the newest coolness and knowing the importance of keeping up with what the kids are doing these day, I bite and ask, “Awesome Paige!  What does OMJ stand for then?”

Oh My Golly!!”, she says, smiling proudly of her witty creation.

“Um, ok….Honey….that’s still OMG.”  Dammit, why must I having to use lingo. Make it stop.

May beautiful daughter rolls her eyes at me.  “NOOOOO!  I said Oh My Golly… it’s O-M-J!”

“Noooo…Golly is G-O-L-L-Y.  Still OMG.”

“NOOOO!  Oh My Golly is O-M-J….whatever the other letters you said.”

OMJ…what am I going to do with this girl???

Nice Try!

Some people have kids to love, cuddle, and cherish.  I had mine to make sure I have someone to spoon feed me, change my pants, and let me live in their basement in my golden years.  No really!  And you have to have at least two.  One might be a screw up who refuses to be guilted into taking you in.  It’s too much of a risk.  A side bonus to bringing these crazy kiddos into the world, is their ability to provide an endless stream of blog material for me to put out into the universe to, hopefully, entertain the masses.

These two conversations happened within minutes of each other this afternoon.

While I was correcting my kids homework, I called Paige over to look at one of her math problems.  As I’m asking her a question, she leans in breathes on me.   Luckily, I was already sitting down or I might have fainted from the smell.

Me – “Whoa!  Um, you need to brush your teeth.”

Paige – “I did!”

Me – “Apparently not good enough.”

Paige – “Well…. I did have gym today.”

Me – “Yeah, that’s not how that works.”

Nice try Paige.

Then within a matter of minutes, Paige reaches into her backpack, pulls out a dollar, and announces, “Hey! I found a dollar!”

Trystan – “If it has George Washington on it, it’s mine.”

Nice try Trystan.

 

Ha!

So one of my pet peeves is text lingo.  I understand the original purpose, I do, but our cell phone plans are no longer stuck in the twitter world of limited characters.  We have advanced past T9.  We have full keyboards and talk to text.  We can type to our hearts’ content.  I know the original intention was to save time, but new shorthand pops up everyday.  How can stay on top of all that?

Anytime I get lingo that I can’t decode, it takes me more time to figure it out.  I either have to open a new window and search what TKMOINT means or I send a message back to the sender asking them to translate for me, thereby wasting more time that if the original message had just been typed out in the first place.

I know it’s important to lingo so you can know what your kids are saying (or plotting) behind your back and since I work with teenagers and will have teenagers in a few short years, I will continue to try to keep up, but I’m not going to ever like it!

Here are two reasons for my dislike…

1.  It looks and feels lazy.  You are already texting me.  You don’t have to initiate a phone call, suffer through my small talk, get stuck listening to a long, drawn out story about something in my life that you don’t care about anyway, and now you can’t write me a sentence?

2.  It’s so over used.  I had one friend who would end every text with LOL.  Aghhh!   You are not laughing out loud.  You can’t possibly be.  “What’s Up” is not that funny….ever.

Having said all of that, I have found one situation where even I, a text shorthand hater, would actually to use one of those acronyms…

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….still funny every time I read it!

 

Boy, Oh Boy

My kids participate in our neighborhood pool’s summer swimming league.  Neither one of them have aspirations of being in the olympics or breaking any world records.   They see it as extra pool time and a chance to be silly with their buddies.

Before every meet, the kids write all over themselves with sharpies.  I think it’s supposed to be motivational, but it just turns out being funny and a pain to scrub off later.  This is my daughter, Paige.

I still don’t know what “Eat My Bubbles” is supposed to mean.  If you eat the bubbles, don’t you really swallow water and drown?

Now, my son also had the weirdly drawn fish and the eating bubbles line, but he took is a step further…

Yes, that is drawn on armpit hair…..

Conversations from my work…

Welcome to today’s installment of ‘conversations from my work.’   I have the pleasure to work with some great students who provide me with lots of great material for this here blog.  Here are a few of the conversations I had today.

 

Scene – Student attempting to correct me

Me – Yes, I know, they were trying to go smoke pot.

Student – No, it wasn’t pot.

Me – Ok, then what was it.

Student – It was weed. 

 

Scene – One student having a conversation with another

Student 1 – I have $19,000 in my savings account.  I might go buy an iPad.

Me – You could do that.

Student 2 – You could buy 2!

 

Scene – Student in my office, pulling at the fake tree I have.  I see him picking his nose.  Then I see him rip a fake stick off the fake tree.

Student – I’m going to stick this up my nose.

Me – I wouldn’t do that.

Student – (Sticks stick up his nose.)  Ooowwww!  It tickles!  (Then rips a fake leaf off of the tree and puts it in his mouth.) Hmmm, this doesn’t taste like a leaf.  It tastes like cloth!

Memories….Like the corner of my mind??

As I’ve mentioned before, my husband has an auto immune condition that wrecks havoc on his body.  Due to his immense physical pain, he experiences memory issues.  The way we have had it explained is that his body is working so hard to get through the day, that it doesn’t necessary “record” minor day-to-day incidents.  Sometimes he just drops off mid-sentence, like his thought hiccupped and the moment is lost.  He also is occasionally messes up  his time and place references, especially when he just wakes up.  Like he’s still trying to sleep to get some physical strength, so this brain doesn’t register it’s supposed to be awake.  As you can imagine, this makes for some funny exchanging and frustrating conversations.  I lovingly refer to them at “Ten second Ted” moments.

Here’s a small piece of my joy….

 

Me – So Trystan has batting practice at the cages from 12:30 – 1:30, then baseball practice at the field from 2:00 – 3:30. 

Him -OK

I leave to drop off, get back home. 

Him – Where were you?

Me -Taking Trystan to baseball practice.

Him – He has baseball practice?

 

Me – So do you still have for lunch on Friday?

Him – How can we have lunch?  You’re working on Friday.

Me – No, I have Friday off this week.

Him – You didn’t tell me that.

Me – Yes, we talked about it.  I’ve been talking about what I’ll do that day.

Him – No we didn’t.

 

Him – So those guys are going to…

Me – (Starring at him for a while) Are going to have to what? 

Him – What are you talking about?

Me – You were just saying ‘those guys are going to’ and then you dropped off

Him – Hmm, I don’t know.

 

Husband sleeping.  I went in at 6:00, 6:15, 6:30, and 6:40 to wake him up.  Each time he told me he needed more sleep.

6:45 – Me – Do you want to get up yet?

Him – What time is it?

Me – 6:45

Him – Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?

Me – I did….repeatedly.

Him – No you didn’t

 

The door blew open and broke a flower pot. 

Him – Great!  And I got you that for Mother’s Day.

Me – Yeah, I know.

Him – Wait, that was last year.  Have we had Mother’s Day yet this year?

 

Him (Ranting about something from work) – I don’t need to be talked to like that.  I’m 37.

Me – Ummm, you’re 38.

Him – I’m 38?!?!

Me – Yes

Him – What did I get for my birthday?