For the longest time, I just didn’t get Twitter.  I mean, I had one.  I’d been on it a few times, but I was a solid Facebook junkie.  I’d done the MySpace thing.  Then I jumped ship to Facebook.  I wasn’t about to leave my friendly news feed and pointless poking just for this sure-to-be, flash-in-the-pan tweeting whatever.  Plus, I didn’t really understand it.

Then I got a teenager and learned that Facebook is where all the “old people” are.  What?!?!?  Well I am definitely not “old” (at least not in my mind), so it was time to get hip again and figure out what all these hashtags and retweets were all about.

(Plus I’m nosey as hell.  If the kids are all moving to Twitter, I will just have to learn some new tricks and stalk them there.)

Full disclosure, the more I’m on Twitter, the more I really enjoy it.  I’m not stuck with just my feed and my tenth grade Chemistry lab partner.  If no one on my list of besties is making witty comments about the latest Bachelor jaw-dropper, I’m one #Bachelortrainwreck away from finding my people.

As will all new and fun things, someone has to take it  too far.  Hashtags on Twitter.  Excellent.  Shows you’re creative, plus helpful when searching.  Hashtags on Facebook.  Ok.  I mean they are unnecessary, but I get it, you’re letting us know you are hip to the new scene.  Hashtags in talking.  Completely unnecessary.  Go punch yourself before I do it for you.

And then there’s this….


Now what good does a Hashtag do for me here in this text?  I mean props to Mini Me for the creative usage, but come on.  I can’t even tell if it’s trending.


Have you every said to yourself, “Self.  I wish I had sometime to myself.  Extend periods of quiet where I just get to unplug and not be bugged by anyone or anything!”

Be careful what you wish for….

Guess what happens when torrential rains and 70+ mph straight line winds blow through on a quiet morning?  This happens.

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And this.

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I do believe that those two pieces of the pole should still be connected.

And if your extra, super-duper lucky, like myself, you not only lose power but your cable/internet/phone line rides out the storm here.

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Yeah, I’m pretty sure that in order for my house to have access to the outside world, that still needs to be connected to the pole.

Oh well, I will use this time to get all those little things done that I’m always saying I am going to do but never get around to doing.

Clean up downed tree branches – check

Pull weeds in garden – check

Water yard –  Hahahaha

Do laundry – Oops, can’t 🙂

Vacuum – No can do

Clean the Oven – Yeah right, like I’d do that anyway!

I know.  I can read that book I checked out from the library.

This is awesome.  I’m sitting on the couch in the middle of the day reading!

The house is so quiet.  Maybe too quiet.  Stop it.  Get back to the book.

This book is boring.  I know.  I’ll just pop online and find something interesting to download.

Crap, No I won’t.

This quiet is just so….. quiet.  I mean I think it’s screaming QUIET at me.

Is this really what I’m always nagging about wanting?

This sucks.

So I did what any reasonable adult would do.

I packed up all my beloved, useless electronics and drove to Panera where, for the price of a soda, we enjoyed lights, air conditioning, internet and unlimited refills.

I may have overstayed my welcome, but I left with more than $3.57 worth of soda in our bloated bellies, a newly downloaded Kristin Hannah read, and enough stockpiled ‘juice’ to keep my screens glowing at home, hopefully.


I got nothing.

You know those times when you engage in a conversation and, as it spirals out of control, you wish you had a board to smash against your head or a needle to poke in your eye, because self-mutilation would be a better decision than continuing this back and forth exchange.  Please grab a seat and enjoy my misery…..

Person – “Hey!  The Packers lost yesterday!  Ha!”

(Sidebar – I am a huge Green Bay Packers Fan..HUGE.  I have game day routines and gear.  I don’t take calls during games and was a raging bitch on wheels the second half as their imminent loss in the playoffs became apparent.  I engaged in a ranting, profanity-laced session and had one Facebook casualty in the process.  It was necessary…He’s a Bears Fan.)

Me – “It was Saturday.  And yes, I’m aware.”

Person – “Beat by my 49ers.”

Me – “Your 49ers?  You don’t even like them.  My favorite type of fan is one who comes out of the wood-work AFTER a win.”

Person – “I do like them.  I like lots of teams.  The Chargers.  The Yankees.  The Red Sox.”

Me – “Um.  1.  Those are different sports.  And 2. You can’t like the Yankees AND the Red Sox.  They’re rivals.”

Person – “Yes I can.  I’m between them.  I also like the Heat.”

Me – “Different sport…again.”

Person – “I’m really mad that they haven’t said who’s in the Super Bowl yet.”

Me – “That’s because the playoffs are still going on.”

Person – “I hope the Giants don’t make it.  I hate them.”

Me – “Well, they won’t because they didn’t make it into the playoffs.”

Person – “Or the Broncos.  They suck.”

Me – “Well they actually did make it into the playoffs, but they lost this last weekend.”

Person – “That’s because Eli sucks.”

Me – “Um, Eli doesn’t play for the Broncos, that’s Payton.”

Person – “Well, Tim Tebow never got them to the playoffs.”

Me – “Actually he did, last year, won a play-off game for them in overtime.”

Person – “No he didn’t”

Me – (Blank Stare) “I got nothing.”

Now where the hell did I put that board?????


One of those days…

It didn’t look like it would be one of those days when I rolled out of bed.  If I had known what was in store for me, I might have just stayed under the covers.

I started the day in a hole, digging out from the paperwork I abandoned the previous day when I went running for the hills at quitting time.  As I began to scribble on a few pieces of paperwork when…


WHAT!?!?!  That can’t be the start of the day bell, I’m not caught up yet.  Great.  This better not be a sign.  As I walked to the door, I heard the familiar voice of a student making demands.  No hello, no how are you…just demands.  Man I wish I had worn my armor and closed toes shoes today.

This isn’t my first day at the rodeo, so I strapped in and prepared for the roller coaster ride that I knew was about to become my whole day.  I’ll spare you the details and cut straight to the cliffs notes.

Today I was..

– Called the following names: F*#^ing C*#!  / P*#@y / B^&#% / Stupid A&*$h#@e / Dumbo (clean and funny) / You A#* / Stupid C*#! / F*#^ing A&*$h#@e.  (I quickly realized that we need more swear words in our vernacular, as the student had to keep changing up the combinations so as not to repeat insults.)

-Pushed, grabbed, pulled, picked up, run into and flailed at by flying body parts.

-Insulted and threatened repeatedly.

-A witness to my office be torn up and my desk attempted to be ransacked. (Ha Ha!! I lock that baby everyday for a reason!)  Good luck I’ve played a fair amount of dodgeball and can move away from flying objects.

-A lightning quick magician who wrestled scissors away from angry hands.

-The luck recipient of a milk shower.  Yes, as a finally thank you from my student I wore the milk from their lunch.

Finally, 5 and 1/2 hours later, the dismissal bell rang (why does it sound oddly like a tap out bell?) and I was free to put my angel on a bus and begin my endless phone calls and paperwork.  Crap!  I still have yesterday’s paperwork.

As if I wasn’t already drained and living on one frayed nerve, I received a personal phone call telling me a medical procedure we were waiting for approval on is delayed.  Awesomeness!  Because if my professional life is going to blow up, might as well have a personal crisis join the party.  Sweet!

Last nerve officially gone.

I wanted to put my head down and cry.  (I think I might have a for a little bit, but don’t tell anyone.)

I set my mind on auto pilot, sped through my phone calls, packed up my paperwork to finish at home and made a beeline for the door.

When I got home, I switched into mom mood, hoping I could muster enough strength to push through to bedtime.  I was knee-deep in homework and getting ready to start the sports taxi when it happened.  The universe began its work to even itself out.

Not knowing how much I needed a boost today, a neighbor read my ‘cry for M&MsFacebook post and snuck a package onto my porch.  I opened my door and saw this.

I instantly smiled, laughed, and cried.  She could not have known how terrible my day was.  She could not have known how low I was feeling.  She could not have known how much I needed that.

Thank you Caryn.



Thanks for the material, Mom!

I didn’t know if I’d have any material for a blog today.  I don’t really plan my blogs, I just go through my day and if something happens or strikes me as hilarious, I roll with it.  Since its Saturday morning, I was guessing that my inspiration would come from something ridiculous from my children or one of their activities, when out of left field (pun intended) my mom scores a home run.

I play on a co-rec-softball league with my husband.  Now when I say play, I use that term loosely.  It truly is a rec team.  Everyone on our team is there to have fun every Friday night, no pressure, no ‘super-intense-we-have-to-win’ attitudes.  That’s good, because me, softball, and winning are not going to happen.

Every game I play right field.  I love right field, nothing happens there.  I have had exactly one ball skip to me in three games and luckily I caught it.  Now my throw back in to the infield was pathetic, but, again, I CAUGHT IT!  In every at bat, I have either struck out or hit a wimpy little roller right at the short stop and have been easily thrown out at first.  I have never got on base.  My dream at bat would be to be walked so I don’t have to look bad while getting on base for my team.  Hey, don’t laugh, it’s good to have goals.

Last night we won 9 – 4, our first win of the season.  Everyone else on the team played great.  Great, monster hits.  Scoring runs.  Amazing diving catches.  Me….  I struck out twice and was thrown out at first once.  Nothing was hit to me, so I didn’t drop or mess anything up.

When I got home, I put up the following post on Facebook

It’ official….. I suck at softball.  Fortunately, the rest of the team rocks!

To which, the unintentional joke of the day and the credit for the material for this blog goes to my mother, who responded…

You know your mother does not like people sending balls at your face!!!

Yes, mom, I know that, known since high school.

Thank you mom for the huge belly laugh, my sick sense of humor, and this morning’s inspiration!