The solution!

It’s a common experience.  You’re sitting in some location of your house, minding your own business, doing whatever to darn well please, because it’s your house and you can, when you start to feel the inner workings of nature calling you.  A quick scan of the area shows that all the little people you have brought into this world are actively engaged, maybe it’s in Frozen for the 800th time or they are texting that drama queen from school you’ve told them to stay away from, but it doesn’t matter at the moment. Screen time be damned!  They’re busy and the coast is clear for you.

Or so you think.

The minute you steal yourself away to take care of business, they find you.  They always find you.

I’ve experienced it. I’m sure many of you’ve experienced it. Heck, I’ve even blogged about it before.

Super Radar

What I present for you today friends, is a sure fire way to earn some peace and quiet and take back the sanctity of your thrown!

Warning:  The use of this method will require to leave your modesty and inhibitions at the door as you are about to intentionally embarrass yourself and mortify your children.  P.S. – You might also want to make sure those little rugrats don’t have a camera running, as no one will want to see this in replay.

Step on – Take off to the bathroom to do your business.

Step two – Complete said business.

Step three – Wait for the interrupting knock on the bathroom door from a child needing to ask you a completely useless question that didn’t need asking 30 seconds ago but is now a matter of life and death.  (Step three is slightly unnecessary as we all know there was no need to wait.  Said child knocked on the door the minute your cheeks hit the seat.)

Step Four – Tell child you will be out in just one minute.  (Use that sweet, singsongy, mommy voice.  It really lays the trap for what’s coming.)

Step Five – Emerge from the bathroom pants less and barrel towards your offspring at full speed in your underwear while loudly announcing, “I went poopy!  I went poopy!”

I have yet to have them bother me again while I’m in the bathroom.  Of course they don’t quite look me in the eyes anymore and might have to use some of their college money for therapy, but whatever….  All I know is, the bathroom it all mine right now!

 

 

 

 

Words

Live while we’re young

As I’ve mentioned before, every month I go on a Girls Night Out with an incredible group of girls.  We all met over 20 years ago (that just made me feel old) back in our high school days.  Depending on the season or whatever mood strikes us, we try different and fun things on our evenings on the town.  Last night, Tina did the picking and we attempted to relive our youth by going ice skating.

I like ice skating, of course, I would though.  I used to LOVE roller skating back in the day.  I would show up at Skateland, a local middle school hang out, before the doors opened, skates in hand, anxious to try to be the first one on the rink.  In those days, I used to try to stay on the rink all night, no breaks, never missing a song.  The real challenge came when it was time for the couples skate.  I was not much of a dater back then, so I never to go-to guy to guarantee myself a partner.  In the sixth grade, I accepted an ill-fated roll around the rink from Doug Hagemen and ended up with a broken wrist.  It wasn’t his fault someone fell behind me while I was backwards skating, but I never missed a chance to rub it in all through high school.  Anywho, ice skaing, to me, is just roller skating with your coat on, so I was all for it.

When we arrived at the rink, I felt like I was both reliving my youth….and ancient at the same time.  One this crisp January night, the rink was packed with 12 to 15 year olds, each trying to look cooler than the next.  The only other adults at the rink consisted of  a few random parents who, by the looks on their faces, had drawn the short straw and been forced stayed to supervise their children.  Most of the kids stood huddled in the center of the rink, attempting to make a dance floor on the ice, while staying upright on their skates.  The man who looked like he was having the least fun of the evening, was the police officer assigned to rink duty that night.  I don’t know if they covered “shooing a skate-less teenager off the ice rink” in the academy, but he was really good at it and called in repeatedly to perform this task.

Now me, I am not one of these “sit on the sidelines of life” type of people.  I’m only here once, so I’m going to go out and have a good time of it.  I don’t care if I embarrass myself or anyone else in the process.  I don’t know these people, and if I did, so what?  Plus, I work with owly, grumpy teenagers, I’m not scared off by their scowls.

So I did what I all those other parents should have, I jumped on that ice and OWNED it.  I skated.  I danced to the music.  I sang and made a fool of myself.

Gangnam Style anyone?

Who doesn’t want to live like we’re young?

 

Just when I thought I was looking good…

So I took a personal day from work today.  I didn’t really have a personal reason to not be there; I just have two weeks of the school year left and a day to burn.  Use it or lost it by the 23rd, so today it was.

Since I didn’t have any big plans, it became one of those “hmm, what can I cram in to not have to do later” days.  I started the day just getting some regular stuff checked of the list that I would have had to have crammed in after work if I wasn’t being all personal.  I worked out, went to the grocery store, stopped in at the post office to mail certified amended tax returns (don’t ask, I made a mess of it!), put away groceries, started laundry, cleaned out the cat box, and made a double batch of banana bread.  At this point your thinking I must have run out of time in my day, but no, it was only at 10:20 am.  (I think I have some super-human, Avengers style housework ability.  Basically, I’m a freak!)

Since I still had time to waste before the Young and the Restless started at 11, (Don’t judge, you know you watch something crappy yourself.  I LOVE that freakin’ show.  I have a problem.) I sat down to read for a while, well as much as I could between switching laundry and rescuing banana bread from the oven.

Part way through my stories, I decided to surprise my husband at work with lunch.  Before I packed up lunch for two and drove over to him, I went into the bathroom to make myself look pretty for him.  You know, freshen up my make up and hair, change my shirt, check how the deodorant is working, etc.  (Remember this, it will be important…)

I got to his work and surprised him.  We had a nice lunch in his office and actually got to talk for about an hour.  He even closed the door and only answered his phone once.  (Scored bonus points!)  On my way out, I visited with a few of his employees and students.

1 pm and back to errands.  Off I go to the pharmacy and back to the grocery store for the items for the BBQ.  (If you read the last blog, I decided I was being selfish and switched to supportive spouse by getting the supplies I know he won’t have time to get.  I’m so awesome, right?)

I rushed home to write an email for the business and fold and put away the clean, dry laundry.  As I put away the last clothes, the clock strikes 2:55 pm.  Perfect timing.  I can grab a handful of M & Ms before I jump in the truck to get the kids from school.

As I’m hooking my seat belt and backing out of my driveway, I look down and realize my zipper is down.  Quickly I think back to the last time I used the restroom.  Oh great!  My freshen up to look pretty for Peter time was actually the beginning of my peep show for the world.

I guess this gives a new meaning to Personal Day!