It’s the cheesiest

Hi, my name is Kerry and I stress eat Cheddar Chex Mix.  (“Hi Kerry.”)

I usually run to the grocery store on Wednesday after work.  This Wednesday was a particularly terrible day at work.  I work with behaviorally disordered students, and we make a tally each day at dismissal whether we think with won or lost that day.  The longer version of Wednesday involves being nearly choked, a broken necklace, a police call, lots of other phone calls and endless paperwork.  The short story is…we lost.

As I drug my behind to Wally World after work, I was hoping to make it a quick and painless visit.  I wanted nothing more than to make it to my couch and my bottle of Moscato.   My trip down wine therapy was derailed as I stumbled upon something better, one of my biggest vices…Cheddar Cheese Chex Mix.

It’s the devil really.  I mean, just look at it.

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There is nothing better than all that cheesy, crunchy goodness.  The Corn Chex, the Wheat Chex, those triangle shaped fake cheese-it looking things, the… nope that’s it.  I know, I know, your saying to yourself, “Kerry, you forgot to mention the squiggly bread thingys and pretzels!”  Um, no.  I didn’t mention them on purpose.  Those, I could do without.  Yuck!  In fact, I stress eat my way right around those wasted ounces of my snack bag.  If someone out there is listening, if you could make a bag of just the Chex pieces, that would be the best!

The shopping trip was a rousing success.  In and out in less than an hour and for under $200…double bonus.  I didn’t even have the groceries completely in the car before I had the bag ripped open and the inhaling had begun.

Then, I came across the most incredible part of the Cheddar Chex Mix.  These babies.

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Oh My… I’m drooling.  I mean, just look at them.  They are so completely covered in fake, orange, poly hydrogenated, absolutely terrible for you, processed ‘cheese’ powder, that you can barely tell if they’re a Wheat Chex or a Corn Chex.  I’m in heaven.

Shovel, chew, remember to pause to breathe, shovel, chew.

I arrive home and look down at the unmistakable evidence of my weakness.

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I told you I had a problem.  I’m thinking of starting a group.

 

Speedy???

As I was driving to meet friends the other night, I looked at my clock and realized that I was a few minutes early.

I knew that I was going to have to run by the store later that day for printer ink  (How are we out of printer ink AGAIN?!?!?  It feels like I buy printer ink every week!) and a fantasy football magazine.  (Yes, I have a fantasy football league.  I LOVE football.  I LOVE all sports.  I watch ESPN by choice.  I might be a dude.)

Just my luck, Wal-Mart was in the same shopping complex as where I was going.  SCORE!  I’m thought ‘I’m going to get in, get my items, and I’ll still beat her to the restaurant!’

I parked and ran in.

I found the ink right away.  (Side bar…what is the difference between standard capacity and moderate capacity?  Even the guy there didn’t know.)  Just pick one.  You know you’ll be back next week when the printer again refuses to print claiming to be out of ink.

Next, is the magazine.  Liddy’s Sports Fantasy Football 2012…looks as good as any, plus, it has Aaron Rodgers on the cover, so that’s a no brainer.  (For you non football folks, he’s the quarterback of my Green Bay Packers!  Kick off in two weeks!)

Oh Chex Mix!  It wasn’t on the list, but Bold and Spicy is Yummy and Tasty, so in my arms it goes.

Now it’s time to blow this popsicle stand, and I’m still ahead of schedule!

Speedy checkout, here I come.

And here I screech to a grinding halt.

There is exactly one of four speedy checkouts actually open and a line is eight deep.

I quickly scan the rest of the checkouts.  Only two other ones are open, and they also have long lines plus over flowing carts.

I take my place in the back.

Maybe she really is speedy….

Nope.  Time drags on.  My friend starts texting me.  ‘Are you here?’

Um, no, not even close.

Do they purposely put the slowest cashiers in the speedy lane to teach us a lesson?  They should add that scrunched up ‘Plan Ahead’ sign and pump laugh tracks through the sound system.

Finally, I put my head down, defeated.

Wal-Mart – 1

Inky, Chexy, Football Chic – 0