As I typed that title, I realized that I probably just jinxed myself. I better not have. I have been able to go all my 39 years without having to break out the dye on this do…and I don’t want to have to start just yet.
Yes, you read correctly, I typed 39 years. In my long (too long for me) absence from my blog, I have managed to get a year older and have hit that magically year when I realize that I actually am going to hit that yet-to-be-unmentioned decade soon and had better get my backside into gear if there is anything I want to do before I turn the big 4-0.
I don’t have a particular problem with turning 40, (Of course, I say this having only been 39 for 8 days…) but I’m realizing that putting things off until later is a less and less desirable idea. That I’m getting closer to the backside of this ride and I can’t keep saying, “I’ll do that someday.” I’ve also started to realize that I’m getting pretty tired of doing things for other people, things I don’t really want to do, things I have not desire to do. I’m beginning to understand why people always say, “Don’t mind Grandma. She has no filter!” She has no filter because she’s sick and tired of your crap, she doesn’t care less what you think of her anymore, and she’s not going to waste on of the few 1,000 minutes she has left caring what you think. She doesn’t have to. Plus, she’s probably a lot happier now than she ever was before.
Which brings me to where I’ve been. I’ve been here, in my home, doing my kid and mom thing. I’ve thought about writing, but then I’ve always either lost my motivation or I’ve over thought what I wanted to write about and eventually talked myself out of writing all together.
And that’s where I’ve failed.
I started this blog as a way to just be creative and expressive. I’ve never had a particular focus on purpose. I wanted to freedom to write about whatever tripped my fancy, whenever I felt the mood hit me. And I need to get back to that.
Not writing becomes it’s own worst enemy because you over think, over analyze, worry and stress. Then days turn to weeks and nothing seems important enough to blog about OR if I told you what I really wanted to tell you about issues, I might offend people, so I said nothing.
I’ve decided to channel her. I’m going to write what I want, when I want, and screw it if it makes people uncomfortable at Thanksgiving dinner.
In order to kick off this new beginning, I toyed with the idea of deleting this whole blog and starting a new one. But then I remembered, when you get that ill-conceived tattoo at an early age, you can un-tattoo it. It still exists. What you can do is take the ink, add to it, and create the new future for yourself going forward. Plus, I still like a lot of my old stuff.
So I’m keeping it all as is.
Same blog. Same title.
I’m still Kerry.
I’m still overly organized.
My life is still chaos at times.
I’m just hitting a reboot. I hope you’ll stick around with me to see what my 39th year brings.