NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!

Every couple of years, the geniuses of the world rub their heads together and create life altering inventions.  No, I’m not here to sing the praises of smart phones or robotic vacuums.

Trust me, those things are…nice, but today’s blog is brought to you in worship of the almighty Keurig.

The beautiful, wonderful, divine individuals who invented this incredible piece of machinery should be canonized….that is if they are Catholic and are deceased.  I would support their fast-tracked petition since they have already performed miracles in numerous households around the country….single-handedly uniting coffee, tea, hot cocoa, hot cider, and other hot beverage drinkers in perfect harmony.

We became Keurig converts two years ago.

I love my coffee in the morning and again at night.  IP sometimes desires coffee in the AM.  But other days, don’t tell anyone, he prefers a hot mug of green tea.  I prefer flavored coffee at a medium brew.  IP likes it way too strong and unflavored.  (Yuck!)  BK (Before Keurig), I found myself brewing a full pot of at the crack of dawn and another in the evening, but, all too often, too much was left to go cold, being enjoyed by the drain.  Sad, so sad.

Those days are long gone now.

AK, each member of our crazy clan is able to brew an individual cup-o-whatever.  No more unhappy hubby.  No more wasted java.

Then Sunday happened…..

Our caffeinated bliss came to a crashing halt on Sunday when the heavens opened up, sending 50+ mph wind gusts our way.  One breeze in particular was strong enough to knock out our power for a few minutes.  No big deal, right.  Wrong.

When the power came back on, I set about the task of resetting all the clocks to their digital glory.  After fixing the oven and microwave, I turned my attention to the Keurig and was greeted by this.

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Well…..maybe it just needs to be turned off and on.  Nope, not ready.  Maybe I’ll leave it unplugged for half an hour.  Not ready.  I’ll try ignoring it for a while.  (Watching it might be making it nervous.)  Not ready.  I know.  I’ll push every last button on this damn thing 800 times.  Still Not Ready.  NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!

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Ok.  Ok.  Pull it together.  There were days you survived without having coffee, remember, you made it through all those days without a problem, granted, you were fifteen, but you can do this.

I can’t do this.

Think.  What would MacGyver do.

I’ve got it.  I’ll just channel my inner Keurig and brew it myself.  One big hole in the top of the K-Cup and six little ones in the bottom, a pair of tongs, and a saucepan of boiling water.  This will have to work.

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Ok.  So that didn’t work.

Well, how about I treat the K-Cup as if it were a tea bag and steep my own cup of coffee.  Easy-peasy.

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Neither easy, nor peasy.  More like crappy and crunchy.

With two failures under my belt and my uncaffeinated nerves completely frayed, I did what any reasonable human being would do.

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I drove to Bucky’s and bought a 99 cent any size coffee….plus a second to reheat the next morning.

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Be careful what you wish for

“I wish he’d put the seat down.”

“I washed the clothes.  The least he could do it fold them.”

“Would it kill him to wash a dish every now and again?”

Ask any woman and she will tell you that she would love to have her man help out more around the house.

Well I have a confession to make.  As much as I like to make IP the butt of my jokes, he does help out around the house as much as he can.  Unfortunately, it’s not always as much as I’d like it to be, but, hey, I’ll take what I can get.

Ever since the beginning of our wedded bliss, IP has been the duster of the family.  He was born with a dominant ‘love of dusting’ gene.  Which is good, because I carry a ‘I could care less how much dust is on the end table’ gene.  My vice is vacuuming.

In equal symmetry, IP prefers to cook dinner, especially Sunday dinner, if his schedule allows.  This trait meshes perfectly with me since I loathe cooking.  Maybe, if I was good at it or could dream up inventive meals, I might care more, but I don’t.  Strangely enough, as much as I hate cooking, I equally enjoy doing the dishes.  (I know.  I know.  There is something wrong with me.  Heck, we remodeled our kitchen and I didn’t even put in a dishwasher.  I still scrub everything by hand.  Add it to my list of issues.)

Anyhoo….

Well, yesterday I came around the corner and found this sight to behold in my kitchen.

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Marinara anyone?  Who wants a meatball?

Now this is a Sun-day

Typical Sundays in Nebraska in January usually consist of layers, scarfs, and playing ‘1-2-3 Not it’ to see which sucker has to go warm up the car.  The most I see of my neighbors is a wave through a frosted window or a quickly shouted ‘Hey’ as we dive in and out of our doors.

No joke.  Two weeks ago, with the wind chill, it was -35 degrees here.  MINUS 35!

Well what a different 14 days can make.  Today it is a glorious 66 degrees outside.  You read that right; POSITIVE 66 degrees.

When God hands you this gift in January, you take full advantage.

Coat – Nope

Scarf – Not today

Sweatshirt – Even that’s staying inside

The neighbor kids started a pick-up game of B-Ball in the circle…in shorts and T-shirts, of course.  My grumpy teenager emerged from her cave, still dawning ear buds and a scowl, to take the furrriest member of our family on a long-awaited walk.  Heck, one of my neighbors just fired up his lawn mover.  (I’m officially concerned about that guy.  I get it’s nice, but the sub-zero weather I previously mentioned may have done something to his neurons.)

As for me, I dug a dusty lawn chair out of the shed and have set up camp in the yard with a beverage and a book.  Oh, and my sunglasses.  I’m enjoying every second of this that I can!

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Hehehehehe

I may be 3(*cough*) years old, but there are certain things that make me giggle like a little kid no matter how old I get.

Balls – Funny, especially in a sentences.  “Who put these balls here?”  Smiles and giggles.

Uranus – Best used in a ridiculous statement of fact.  “Did you know there are black rings around Uranus?” Always induces a wide grin and a loud chuckle.

Duty – Hilariously, over-the-top funny.  It doesn’t even have to be said in a certain context to get to me.  Duty is ALWAYS funny.  I’m not an LOL gal.  In fact, I despise all text lingo.  But the mere uttering of the word duty will literally cause me to stop whatever I’m doing in laugh out (well you get the idea).  I’m considering starting a petition to eliminate usage of SUPER DUTY on the back of vehicles.  That’s just an accident waiting to happen.

Today I opened my kitchen cabinet and found this staring back at me.

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My burst of laughter was so loud that Mini Me came a runnin’, trying to figure out what was so funny.

I know, I know.  It’s juvenile and petty and childish and ridiculous, but so what.  The older I get, the more I realize that, at some point while growing up, people mistook adulthood with either the need to become stuffy, stodgy, and predictable, or uptight, snotty, and bitchy.  I reject all these assumptions.  I’m going to age under my own terms, with laughter and silliness crammed in whenever I can.

 

What’s wrong with this picture?

I walked into the mini me’s bedroom today and found this.

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What’s the big deal you ask?

That is a dirty lunch box. 

Today is January 4, 2014.

The last day she was at school was December 20, 2013, but it was a half day.

The last day she took her lunch to school was December 19, 2013.

Did I mention how much fun teenagers are???

Today I am thankful for….

Ok, Ok.  I know this idea got TOTALLY played out in November with everyone suddenly deciding to be grateful for everything under the sun, but, indulge me for just a minute.

I know many people have a sweet tooth, myself included, but for some reason, the things that seem to really catch my fancy are the items that some manufacturer has deemed ‘speciality’ or ‘holiday’ items, meaning I can only get them once a year.

Bastards.  (Crap, I’m probably not supposed to swear when I’m writing about being thankful.  Shit.  Dammit, I did it again.)

Anyway…

Today I am thankful for this…The Dark Chocolate Orange

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What?  You’ve never had one?  Well, let me tell you, you are missing out!  Dark Chocolate sweetness mixed with an orange citrus kick.  And as an added bonus, the treat also serves as a stress reliever since, in order to enjoy your treat, you literally have to whack the candy on a table to break it open.

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‘She said what?’ WHACK….EAT…..ENJOY

‘You want me to do what?’  WHACK….EAT….ENJOY

Honestly, if they passed these out at the doors of family gatherings, there might be less fighting and arguing, more smiling and hugging.

But now, the holidays are officially over.  Tinsel is being taken down.  Santas are being put on clearance.

Which brings me to the second thing I am thankful for in this post.  These delicious balls of sweet goodness are now 50%!  Luckily for me, I have a half empty freezer in the garage just dying to be filled up.

How many dark chocolate oranges do you think I will need to get me through work stress, family stress, and holiday stress until next November?