Hey freako, go away. Please

As all of us wordpressers know, we are daily handed numerous lists of stats letting us know how many, from where, and in which way readers have found our blogs.

From personal experience, I know I used to stalk my stats, seeing how many viewers I had from where.  I used to worry that if a new post wasn’t being viewed, I was losing my audience.  I even tried to study the stats to find the optimal day and time to post, trying to ensure more people would read what I bothered to write.

While pouring over the stats section, I stumbled upon the Top Searches info.  I’m sure WordPress thought this would be a helpful tool to show us interesting ways that people in the blogosphere and universe were reaching our witty words.

All it really shows you is how creepy people are.

Over a year ago, I wrote a blog about my son using a Sharpie to give himself armpit hair. http://wp.me/p1w2A8-4q  I have at least 40 people a week who use some search form of ‘boy armpit hair’ to reach my blog.  I don’t think I even want to know who these weirdos are and why they are searching for boy armpit hair.  (And now I’ve just wrote boy armpit hair two more, oops, three more times.  That number will probably rise to 80 now.  Yeah me!)

The other day, I was stat snooping again and stumbled on this.

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Um….  1. Freako, wanna-be meth maker, please stop reading my blog.  2.  Please don’t make meth, ever.  3.  Oh, and computers register IP addresses and times of searches, so if you want to not get caught, it’s best not make your forays into illegal activity to obvious.

 

 

Worth it

As I type, I should be getting ready to go to my third New Kids On the Block concert.  I few months ago, my bestie Tina asked me if I wanted to go with her and a group of ladies making a trek to a showing of the Total Package tour in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  I jumped at the open ticket and seat in their vehicle.

I first saw NKOTB in high school in 1989.  My friend Kristi and I were in the nose bleed section and screamed our little hearts out.  My favorite boys returned to my hometown in 2008 and Tina and I were able to see them live then.  It was a great concert and a wonderful night re-living our youth.  This year’s concert was going to be an extra bonus.  Not only would I get to see my guys, but Boys II Men and 96 Degrees were completing the package, and a girls weekend away was the icing on the cake.

I was all set to go and then….

You see, for those of you who are avid readers, you know that, while I have my boy band obsession, my sweet Lil’ IP has her own teenage crush on a little boy band you might have heard of…. One Direction.  As luck (or bad timing) would have it, One Direction planned a summer tour this year as well.  Unfortunately, all the concerts sold out within minutes of going on sale and tickets were none to be had.  Lil’ IP was crushed.

As I was making some final preps to my trip, my Lil’ IP made a comment about me getting to see my boy band for the third time, while she had never seen hers.

Nothing pulls at a mother’s heart-strings like some good old-fashioned guilt.  I usually don’t fall for it, but I thought back to the utter elation I felt when I saw Donnie Wahlberg (admitting a very tiny Donnie Wahlberg for my seat location) walk onto that stage when I was her age.  I felt like my life was complete.  I knew, that if it was possible, I had to make that same magic happen for her.

I started a little online digging.  I knew that I wouldn’t find face value tickets and had actually prepped myself for worse prices than I found.  Of course, there were people with ridiculous asking prices, but I found a number of tickets that were within a price range that I was comfortable with forking over without worrying about my next mortgage payment.  One problem, although the tours were going to the same cities a few days apart, the tickets I found were to a city in the opposite direction of my New Kids concert, the day before.  No way to make both concerts.

After a quick parental summit, the decision was made to bite the bullet and fulfill a little girl’s dream.

The next thing I had to do was break the news to my gal that I was backing out of our trip.  That was tough.  Bye-bye Donnie.  Hello Niall.  No Hangin’ Tough for me.  I want you to Rock Me.  Please Don’t Go Girl….I’m sorry, but I had to, this time I’m putting another girl first.

And by the looks of it, I think I made the right choice.

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I was all set to let her have her evening.  I was sure it would be fun for her, but I didn’t know if I would enjoy it as much.  I have to say.  Those new boys on the boy band block put on one heck of a gig.  I spent all of the night up out of my seat, dancing along with all the girls and singing along to the lyrics I knew.

I mean, who wouldn’t dance to that?

As the high-pitched squeals reached unthinkable decibels, the flash backs of my New Kids concert started to hit me.  Next, came the tears.  Yes, I was crying at the 1D concert.  It wasn’t for what I had given up or what I was missing, I was crying because I had done it.  I had seen it come full circle.  I had made that memory of a lifetime for my daughter, the same one I had made for myself years ago.

This is why we do what we do.  This is why we work so hard.  It’s not for expensive things and bling to impress the neighbors, it’s to truly enjoy the life that we are given.  To live while we’re young.  To enjoy these moments and make all the memories we can.  When I go, I can’t take any of the stuff with me, but she and I will always have this memory of this evening…and that makes any sacrifice worth it.

As I listened to the lyrics of one the songs, I said a little pray that my Lil’ IP will see, everyday, in herself the beauty and talent that she has.  That she will continue to light up the world around her like nobody else can.

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Reader’s Block

“The must read book of the summer!”

“A great beach read!”

“You won’t be able to put it down!”

Nearly every book cover or magazine that offers book suggestions is full of quotes expressing nearly the same sentiments.

Unfortunately, one person’s idea of the “Best Book of the Decade!” may be the next person’s snooze-ville.  And, my pocketbook and reading time have been wasted on more than one of these flowery descriptions that actually turned out to be a real stinker.

I’m an avid reader….and that’s putting it lightly.  I always carry a book with me wherever I go.  You never know when you’ll get 5 minutes to get a few pages read.  In addition to always being in the middle of a book, I like to have my next read lined up and waiting in the wings.

The book store is my home away from home.  I could wander for hours, getting lost in the aisles and sucked into those tantalizing descriptions and intriguing covers.  (Yes, I judge books by their covers.  So do you, admit it.)

When iBooks and the Kindle store came along, at first, it felt like Christmas everyday.  You mean to tell me I can search book titles and peruse summaries at all hours of the day, never needing to leave the comfort of my home?  Finish a book at 10:30 pm, instantly download the next.  Take 12 books with me at all times.  Am I dreaming?

With all the conveniences, I have found one major flaw.  I much more frequently find myself enthusiastically starting a new read to be disappointed by a bad purchase a few chapters in.

You see, when I’m in the book store, I take certain, um, liberties with the books I’m about to buy.  Ok fine, I start reading them, sometimes a decent number of pages into them to see if they are really worth the price tag.  The title might be catchy and the cover interesting, but if it doesn’t grab my interest in the first chapter, chances are, it will not make it to the check out.

I have yet to master this with my downloads.  I know, I know, you can download samples of many online versions to try out the books before you actually purchase them, but I keep forgetting that step.  It’s like, since I don’t have to hand over actual money for each book, I just hit download without thinking, then find myself repeatedly disappointed.

I’m currently stuck in a terrible drought of one bad, sucky download after another.  My problem is, since I’ve actually paid good money for the book, I have a hard time throwing it to the side when hate it.  Right now, I’m 85 pages into a “Must Read of the Summer”, recommended on numerous reading lists and websites and……I can’t stand this book!  With every sentence, every paragraph, every page, I argue with myself.

~

Why are you still trying to read this crappy book?

Because I paid for it!

You’re wasting time you could be reading something you actually enjoy!

But all those reviews said it was so riveting.

Oh, here we go with the reviews again.  Stop, it’s terrible.

I’ll give it one more chapter.  Then, if it’s not any better, I’ll quit.

No you won’t.

~

Help!  I’m officially stuck in bad book hell.

 

He does exist!

Help from above, a greater power, a higher being, the big man upstairs…

Call it what you want.  It’s one of the big unknowns about life.

Is there something else we are working towards?  Is there a larger force guiding us and supporting us?  Is this all there is?  Basically…. Does God exist?

Well question no more ladies and gentlemen.  I have proof to end all the debates and give you peace of mind, body, and soul.

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Apparently, God do exist and he’s about to join Twitter.

 

 

Not even technically

Everyday I require that my children each fruit with breakfast and lunch and veggies with lunch and dinner.  Trust me.  I do not live under any delusion that my children will come close to the FDA government daily maximum requirements, but my hope is, with all the nagging, they will at least cross the minimum finish line.  Does anyone hit the maximum?  And, if they do, do they own stock in toilet paper?  I mean, come on.  That’s a lot of fiber in one day.

Nearly every meal resembles some form of this conversation…

“I’m done.”

“Did you have fruit?”

Silence from the child.

The Look‘ (you know the one) from me.

“Fine,” the child grumbles as their drag their feet across the kitchen.

Today was no different.  About an hour after he had eaten lunch, T-Dog announced that he was hungry and made a beeline for the chips.  I stopped him mid stride, asking him if he had eaten his fruit at lunch.  He replied ‘no,’ mumbled something under his breath, then decided he wasn’t so hungry after all.

Not even ten minutes later, my super-duper mom radar picked up the distinct sound of a bag opening.  I came around the kitchen corner to find T-Dog guiltily reaching into a cabinet.

“I told you to have fruit.”

“I am.  I’m having strawberries.”

“Nice try buddy, but strawberry Twizzlers are not a fruit.”

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T-Dog – 0

Daily Fruit Servings – 0

Found mine!

I’m usually not a fan of those stick people figures on the back of people’s cars.  At first they were cute and new and fun.  Now they just seem a little over done.

Yeah, I get it.  You have seven kids and four pets.  You’re both fertile and furry friendly.  I even once saw a vehicle with a cross over one of the pet decals, indicating the pet was no longer with us on this earth.  That was jumping the shark for me.  No decals in this family, no way.

Then this week, I ran across this little gem in the store.

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I hereby reserve the right to revoke my ban.

This may or may not be showing up on a vehicle in my driveway in the near future.