It sucks

I own a Dyson vacuum and it sucks, literally, in a good way.  I used to watch the Dyson commercials year after year and hear friends and family sing its praises, but, for the longest time, I held off buying one.  In my pig-headed stubbornness, I assumed I could find just as incredible of a vacuum without having to shell out Dyson level moolah.  I was wrong.  I spent three times as much on other inferior vacuums before I finally broke.  Well, actually, before IP broke.

With two cats, a dog, two kids, two asthmatics, and three allergic to everything, no vacuum could ever keep up with the work load we were giving it.  Those vacuums sucked, in a bad way, as in they didn’t.  Nothing sucks more than an item which is manufactured to suck, yet doesn’t suck, so it sucks.

After another less than stellar performance from our last non-Dyson, IP stormed out of the house, mumbling under his breath and returned, lighter in the wallet, but with that beautiful Dyson in hand.

Vacuuming has been a dream since.  I actually smile widely when I hear it sucking up all that hidden garbage from my plush, deep pile.  And oddly, I find great joy watching the tank swirl with all the dust, dander, and yuck it is collecting.  I have a problem.

Saturday is cleaning day in our household.  It’s taken a number of years and a whole lot of complaining, but I finally have the children fully programmed as to their Saturday morning chore routine.  They know there is no use fighting it, just to get it done, so they can get on with their weekend.

Yesterday, IP and Paige were out on a shoot, so young Trystan I and were working our way through the chores.  He had just finished the upstairs vacuuming, so I grabbed the Dyson from him and headed downstairs.  I plugged it in and switched it on.  Something was wrong.  My incredible sucking machine didn’t sound so sucky.  It actually sounded…sucky.  I took a look at the tank.

I have solved another mystery of life.  I now know how to break a Dyson and make it suck….you give it to your 10-year-old who just wants to be done with his chores already!

“Um bud, did you suck up a Kleenex with the vacuum?”

photo copy 8


“And play money?”

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“You said it could suck up anything.  You were right!  Can I go out and play now?”

Since I’m definitely keeping the Dyson around, anyone want a slightly used 10-year-old who play baseball, the trumpet, and is a little too smart for his own good sometimes?






  1. OMG…. your blog posts always leaves me laughing loudly. OMG…I knew it was going to be one of ‘those’ blogs when I read the line, “Nothing sucks more than an item which is manufactured to suck, yet doesn’t suck, so it sucks.” … and it just got better lol.

    And at least the $100 was play money yes?

    By the way….now I am wondering on a Dyson …damnit! I don’t have the money for one.

  2. Oh Kerry, this is probably my favorite post of yours! I was laughing through the whole thing! I don’t own a Dyson…I have a $80 Electrolux so it doesn’t suck as much as your model sucks but I know all about that feeling of hearing all the junk being sucked up and seeing the canister full of crap! I seriously vacuum everyday because it brings me joy! I once thought I had finally hit the jackpot because there was nothing in the canister meaning that my daily vacuuming had finally paid off and my house was ultimately clean and then I realized I had it on the Tools setting so I had not even been sucking up anything off the floor at all! It just amazes me and horrifies me that the carpet collects so much dirt everyday!

  3. I’ve been wanting to get a Dyson. I know it’ll be worth every penny, but I haven’t taken the plunge yet. I also think the “air multiplier” is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.

    Definitely think you’re doing the right thing giving away the 10 year old!

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