Kids…. They are our pride and joy… the apples of our eyes… those dirty, stinky, noisy monsters that keep messing up our clean houses!
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my dirty, stinky, noisy monsters, but, seriously, how many times do they have to make the same messes and hear me give the same lectures before they get it???
I have decided that in addition to constantly nagging them (because, let’s face it, I’m not going to stop nagging them), I am also keeping a list of their annoying, messy habits, so that, when they move out, I can visit their homes and provide the appropriate payback.
Here’s what I have so far…
Get out Oreos. Pour a glass of milk. Take everything to the living room. Dunk and eat Oreos over clean floor, leaving behind crumbs and a half glass of milk balancing on the edge of the coffee table.
Go outside. Leave door wide open, yet slam shut screen door. Every three and a half minutes, come in and go out, slamming the door every time.
Go downstairs to get something (I don’t know what yet. I’ll wing it.) Turn on every light switch I can find, even ones not in the area I’m going, them come back upstairs, leaving all the lights on. I might even add in turning on a TV for good measure.
Take a bath using WAY more soap than I need and filling the now half empty bottle back up with water to make it look like I didn’t use that much. Step out of tub and soak bath mat. Walk down the hallway with a towel around me, but not having really dried off, so as to leave a slippery trail behind me. Leave dirty clothes, a tub full of water, and a “surprise” in the toilet for them to find later. Get dressed and drop my wet towel on the carpet.
It’s going to be so much fun!